Four Types of Reactions to Unbelievable Stories

This close-up photo of an eye looks like it might be reacting to something unbelievable. The four types of reactions we’re considering are anger, denial, immediate acceptance, and careful interest. 

Image by Miette Kealey

How do you react when you hear unbelievable stories?  With curiosity, scorn, anger, excitement? 

My favorite example of unbelievable stories is about Findhorn, a community in Scotland that was able to grow amazing plants in very poor soil.  When asked about the secret to their success, they explained that the plant spirits in their garden collaborated with them in growing the plants!

When I came across this story a decade ago, I had never heard anything like it before.  The scientific part of me was dubious.  But I was intrigued, and something in me felt super excited.  What if the plant world truly has some kind of intelligence, and what if it is actually possible for us to collaborate directly with the plants to create more prolific and balanced gardens?  Even if our current scientific understanding calls it impossible, I don’t think we can afford to dismiss this story outright.  Think what a difference it could make in addressing our current ecological crises! 

My husband – the skeptical scientist – shrugged off the Findhorn story as crazy.  But we’ve had many a conversation about it since, sometimes ending in unresolved and frustrating debates, sometimes escalating to the point where our teenage kids tell us we need to chill out, and sometimes leading to fruitful and interesting discussions.  It’s no fun to generate bad feelings, so I took a look at what makes our conversations more likely to be fun and productive.  One good starting point is recognizing the different types of reactions people have when faced with unbelievable stories.  I’ve come across four main reactions:  anger, denial, immediate acceptance, and careful interest. 

Anger

We can literally become furious when our core beliefs are challenged.  Be honest – have you ever gotten super angry about something that didn’t fit in with your way of thinking, only to soften your attitude after becoming more familiar with the topic?  When reacting with anger, we often attack not the story itself but the person telling it:  “how could you be so foolish as to believe something like that?”  This sidesteps the issue brought up by the story and turns the incident into a personal battle.   

Denial

Denial is similar, though without the anger.  We dismiss the story outright, not bothering to come up with a good reason because we already know it can’t be true.  Even if we are careful, analytical, perhaps scientifically trained, we can fall into the trap of claiming that something is not possible and therefore it couldn’t have happened or there must be a different explanation.  This reaction is a denial of anything that is different from what we already believe to be the truth.  Plus, it sure doesn’t lead to interesting discussions, as outright dismissals close the conversation rather abruptly. 

Immediate acceptance

When faced with unbelievable stories, some of us will get super animated and excited, immediately accepting the story as true, celebrating it and wanting to spread the story to others.  We may even claim that we “know” it to be true, that we can “feel” its truth and don’t need any further “proof”.  A reaction such as this can be warranted if it is based on a different kind of knowing than how we know through science.  But this category also includes the completely uncritical response, which might occur as part of a current fad. For example, switching to a radical new diet because it is hyped as a healthier way to live, only to find out later that it actually harms your health.

Careful interest

Some of us will take a careful interest in unbelievable stories, not denying them outright but neither accepting them completely.  This is the only reaction that leads to a real engagement with the topic.  However, this category also includes those of us who love to debate but aren’t open to changing our opinion.  Debating for the sake of debating, not to learn something new.  It’s easy to fall into the debater role – who doesn’t like to keep persisting until they finally “win”?  But it’s worth the effort to stay open to having our most basic views disrupted.  I love that moment after a long discussion when I suddenly recognize the viewpoint of the other, when there is a brief silence, a moment of softening, and the possibility of discovering something new outweighs my desire to be “right”.

Noticing different types of reactions

With the Findhorn story I shared above, our basic scientific worldview would be severely disrupted if we accepted the intelligence of the plant world and the existence of plant spirits who can communicate with humans.  So either the Findhorn story is wrong, or our basic scientific worldview needs an update.  Check in with your own reaction:

• Are you feeling angry as you read this? 

• Are you shaking your head in disbelief, wondering why anyone would even entertain such a notion? 

• Are you perhaps feeling tingles all over your body, totally thrilled by this idea and saying “yes” out loud? 

• Are you curious to hear more and open to the possibility that the world could be different than you thought?

Not everyone falls neatly into one of these four types of reactions – anger, denial, immediate acceptance, careful interest (including the “debater”) – but it’s useful to be aware of these patterns.  My husband would probably say that I tend to react with immediate acceptance, and I would say that he reacts with denial (and sometimes anger).  But I see myself as showing a careful interest and being open to a continued engagement, and I bet he sees himself this way too.  It’s a dynamic process! 

We can all use more practice identifying different types of reactions, beyond the four I’ve shared here.  Change can be difficult, especially when our core beliefs are threatened - it can feel as if our entire identity is at stake!  Practice noticing how you react, and practice holding the space for others to work through their reactions. Stay open to the possibilities, no matter how unbelievable they might seem, and give yourself a big pat on the back for being willing to question your beliefs!